


Horrible

by Againstme



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), The Adventure Zone : Amnesty (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 09:34:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18736384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Againstme/pseuds/Againstme
Summary: Ned Chicane is not a horrible person.





	Horrible

He is not a bad person.

“Edmund Chicane” tells himself that as he slowly inspects the safe he’s trying to break into.

It’s a matter of survival. He’s broke, these people are not. He’s not going to steal anything they’ll really miss.

Still, as he slowly, meticulously turns the lock hoping to find the right combination, guilt eats away at him, tiny piece by tiny piece.

But the guilt is easily overshadowed by the anxiety. It’s not his first time breaking into a place like this, but it damn near is.

He goes over his story in his head again and again.

He’s Edmund Chicane, brother of three younger siblings, just trying to put food on the table.

Even if that crap doesn’t get him any sympathy, the ID in his back pocket might just cause enough confusion to let him slip away.

There’s no need for any of that.

Before he knows it, there’s a click, and the safe swings open.

He quickly grabs most of what’s inside : some money and a few jewels that look expensive, leaving behind some papers and a gun.

The guilt creeps back up on him when he catches a glimpse of a news report with a family crying about precious family heirlooms.

However, the guilt disappears almost as quickly as it came when he realises how comfortably he can pay for his meals that month.

Edmund Chicane is not a bad person.

He tells himself as much as he’s sneaking passed the cameras in Clooney’s mansion.

He can’t be a bad person when he’s restricting his thievery to one thing.

Sure, that  _thing_  is an Oscar, and, sure, he did take that nice watch on the table by the front door, but that’s not really bad in any quantifiable way.

If anything, it’s probably just going to help Clooney’s career. Eventually, it’ll become a funny story for him to talk about during fancy parties he goes to.

It’s been a while since he’s felt genuine fear at the prospect of being caught, but, this time, his heart jumps a little when the security guard starts to turn the corner while he’s not yet entirely over the fence.

He gets away with it, of course he does. He’s Edmund Chicane.

As he shows his prize to the few who know him, the bragging rights are entirely worth it.

Edmund “Ned” Chicane is not a bad person.

He reminds himself of that fact while in the van with Boyd.

He hasn’t hit a mark like this in years, considering himself more of a Robin Hood kind of thief.

He steals from the rich and famous people at the top and gives back the loot. Mostly to his own benefit, but that’s just a detail.

Stealing from a random suburban household, however rich they may be, feels unethical.

But, as much as he would like to say Boyd had to really twist his arm on this one, funds are getting relatively low, and some opportunities you just can’t refuse.

He hesitates before taking the pendant, remembering his first real mark. But, it’s  _glowing_ , bright orange and red hues covering the walls and objects near it.

If he doesn’t take it, Boyd will, there’s little doubt about it.

As soon as it’s in his bag, it fades from his thoughts, especially as more and more things start to go wrong.

It’s not until he’s going through the bag he grabbed out of the van, hidden in the room given to him by Victoria of course, that he remembers the strange gem.

He is not a bad person.

Ned Chicane wonders how many times he’ll have to repeat it before it becomes true.

He’s slowly, meticulously, putting all of his things into boxes. The jewels, the Oscar, the other junk he’s accumulated over the years.

He’d perhaps underestimated how painful being alone again would hurt him.

Or maybe it’s just the realisation that he can’t deny how rotten he is anymore; how rotten he’s been since he started this dirty line of work

The items burn his hands as he packs them away, but, as much as he wants to, Ned knows he can’t leave them here.

He can’t have thousands worth of stolen goods attached to his name like that.

It doesn’t take as long as Ned thought it would. In the blink of an eye, his storeroom is empty, save for his most recent acquisition.

He feels choked by guilt just looking at it.

He doesn’t hesitate much before deciding to leave it where it is. They’re going to find it eventually and it’ll be returned to its rightful owner.

As Ned starts to pack up his boxes in his truck, he feels like the branches of the sculpture are staring him down, like dozens of judgemental eyes.

He wonders why he was too much of a coward to tell Aubrey as soon as he realised the truth.

He wonders why he was too much of a coward to tell Aubrey as soon as Boyd came back.

Only one answer comes to mind.

Ned Chicane is a bad person, and nothing, not even one of the two true friends he’s ever had, will ever change that.

**Author's Note:**

> Posted first on tumblr @mascdrogynous.  
> Hope you enjoyed!


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